9 Ways to Reduce Overpopulation

In a couple recent posts, I responded to someone who believes abortion was necessary to avoid Overpopulation. The point was made that the world had less than 1 Billion people until 1804.

Those were the days. How do we get back to the 19th Century? We can, as a society, move our World towards a smaller population. You have to understand that the change was not due to us having more children, but to us living longer. So, our goal must be the reduction of human life span. You can help. Here are a few simple ways:

1) Don’t Go to the Doctor for Illnesses

I’ve had a few bad Bronchial Infections that could have very well killed me and thus reduced the population of the Earth by one. Unfortunately, I was just too selfish and ended up getting modern anti-biotics, thus continuing to live and breate. Don’t make this mistake.

Added Benefit: Lower Healthcare Costs and Less Malpractice Suits.

2) Don’t Use a Refrigerator:

Unrefrigerated meat can go bad and carry all kinds of bacteria that can kill you. The use of refrigeration has unleashed the horrors of millions not dying of food poisoning and other food-borne illnesses. Taking this step also can save you on your electric bill.

3) Find Houses that Have Asbestos Insulation

Find them and live in them, and it’ll cut your lifespan. If it’s near a nuclear power plant, that’s a bonus.

4) Start Smoking

If you’re not smoking yet, start. If you are smoking, why aren’t you smoking more? Not only will smoking hasten the end of you blighting this globe with your existence, you also help provide revenue for such vital services as schools and Federal Buildings named after Robert Byrd.

5) Skip Pre-Natal Exams

Pre-Natal exams allow doctors to catch problems with a pregnancy and can save the lives of both mother. This is why you shouldn’t go, because not only are you helping a human being (you or your spouse) live but guaranteeing another one is born healthy. Indeed, 19th Century infant mortality as well as women dying in child birth were far more common. Skip the exams and use the money to start smoking another pack of cigarettes per day, particularly if you’re pregnant.

6) Start More Wars

Wars are nasty affairs that lead to the deaths of thousands upon thousands. Many innocents die from collateral damage in long drawn-out wars, which is why the population control liberal’s stated goal of avoiding wars and bringing world peace is so off-base.

As a citizen of the Earth who wants to save it from the horrors of having people on it, its your responsibility to call your Congressman and urge them to invade Iran, and while we’re at it throw in Belarus, Belgium, and India. Once the wars start, be sure to begin smoking an additional pack of cigarettes to support the destruction of the overpopulation problem.

7) Forget About Charity

Charities that work to feed the poor and the homeless come begging for your support and your answer should be, “No!” Stop giving to the United Way, the local food bank, and the Rescue Mission. Don’t even think about giving to an International Charity, so many of those missions can help alleviate the suffering of people which can help them live longer. Examples of such anti-Earth efforts includes AIDS relief in Africa. As that great humanitarian Ebenezer Scrooge observed the poor, “Let them die and reduce the surplus population.” If you must give to Charity, fund a library or the UN Population Fund (now there’s a group that knows how to manage money.)

Be a Single Curmudgeon:

Married people have longer lifespans, so don’t get married if you’re not. The longer you exist, the longer you eat up the planet’s vital resources. You can use the money you’d spend on your spouse to buy another pack of cigarettes each day.

9) Take a Deadly Contagious Disease and Infect Yourself With It:

Find a disease such as bubonic plague or Smallpox that has died out and get yourself infected and spread the disease around to as many people as possible. Gene Roddenberry thought it was pretty noble, he even made a Star Trek episode about it.

These steps may be cold, cruel, and heartless, but if population control is so important that we’ll sanction the destruction of innocent human life to achieve it than its important enough to be ruthless and uncompassionate. It is important enough to die for.

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Population Control, Satire