Celebrating Xmas on the Wrong Date

Back in the ’90s when I was a kid, “Happy Holidays” had not become the “in-thing” for people wanting to avoid saying the c-word. It was Xmas. Signs outside of stores said, “Merry Xmas,” so did commercials in an attempt to as one minister put it once “to X Christ out of Christmas.” Its not disappeared but its become less prevalent.

You dear reader will point out properly that X was an abbreviation for Christ that’s been used for years. Some intellectual Christians and non-Christians will even refer to Christians as Xians. How cute.

One think I found interesting in Wikipedia:

Before Xmas, there was XPmas, according to Inge Milfull, assistant editor of etymology at Oxford English Dictionaries (OED).

Someone should have told Microsoft back when their Windows XP came out. Would have been a promotional thing they could have tried. Wait a second. Does that mean my operating system is really claiming to be Christ? If so, does it mean its the Anti-Christ? I better stop talking about it lest the Microsoft Anti-Christ conspiracy kills me or I inspire a book of apocalyptic fiction (which would be worse.)

I digress, however. The point for most people was not the history, but rather why people were using it. In many cases, it was used as an attempt to be politically correct, and in addition to that it sounded stupid whenever someone said “Xmas.” The only time I heard someone say it, it was the Cartoon Character, “Peg” on Goof Troop and the moment she said it, I groaned. It was that bad.

There, of course were and still are some uses of Xmas, that are worth consideration:

1) You have a pre-Windows 95 computer.

Before Windows 95, all file names were limited to 8 characters and all extensions to 3. This meant, you couldn’t have ChristmasCard.doc as your file name. It’d look look something like Christ~1.doc. Thus xmascard.doc would allow your system to function.

A collection should be taken up for persons having such machines, so they can get a REAL computer. If you’re reading this site on a DOS Machine, please JOIN THE 21st CENTURY!

2) You want to avoid being repetitive.

3) You don’t have enough letters on your readerboard sign for Merry Christmas, they were stolen by vandals, or blew out of town with the last Tornado to hit the trailer park.

Of course, with Xmas fading out of style, the grand old holiday saying appears headed for the scrap heap. I have a plan to save it. In the 21st Century, Xmas must find a new way to survive. Its going to be squeezed out by Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays in its current time slot, so we need a new holiday actually called Xmas.

What will Xmas center on? Well, if Christmas is about Christmas, than Xmas should be about X. That leaves two possibilities:

Its the politically correct holiday that everybody wants, honoring the Muslim Civil Rights leaders, Malcolm X. Think about the plays that could be put on. Its a Holiday that would make Spike Lee filthy rich. Well, wait he already is filthy rich. Make that, filthy richer. The new Xmas would fall on May 19th.

Disclaimer: I’ve not seen this movie. Its just the only way I could find a pic of the X-men that I could use on the website without getting harassing e-mails from Marvel comics. If I get it now, I’m going to think they’ve got a screw loose. “How dare you display a link where people can buy our product?”

Anyway, this would be another option. In September, 1963, the X-men were born and became an American institution. The retailers would love it. Think about the opportunity to sell toys and movies. I admit the holiday has somewhat limited appeal if its not played right.

One thing it could do is replace Halloween. Kids could dress up in funny costumes (not necessarily X-men after a few years) and we’d have people dressed as Wolverine, using sharp claws to shred through metal. We’d have dances around Xmas and the tradition would be called “dancing up a Storm.” Of course, with the X-men character Gambit, poker would become a huge Xmas tradition.

Of course, those who didn’t like Xmas will begin to point our problems like that the story of Jubilee was clearly a rip off from Batman and Robin’s Dick Grayson. Still, most people will have fun, enjoy the day off (whether they care for the Xmen or not) and embrace the new holiday.

I know that I’m part of the war on Christmas, but take it as an olive branch to those who love Xmas and need something to do with all those signs. Stores would love it because Merry Xmas is a lot shorter than Happy Labor Day.

Basil’s Supper
Conservative Cat

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