Satire News: Democrats Divided on Biden Proposal

I saw this story in the Washington Times and boom, instant inspiration for a parody.

National Democratic leaders yesterday shied away from Sen. Joseph Biden’s (D-De.) call to divide the United States into three regions by 2008.

“You can’t just do it; you have to arrive at agreements to do it,” said Vietnam War Veteran and Senator John Kerry (D-Ma.). “I’m a man of action who understands that we don’t need concrete plans to solve our problems, we need to talk about having concrete plans to do so.”

Biden has called for dividing the United States into regions of Left Coast elitists, Middle Americans, and East Coast Elitists, with a loose central government run out of Washington for the purpose of providing for such vital services as paying congressional salaries and naming new Highways after the chairmen of the House and Senate Appropriations Committees.

The senator has said he is interested in running for president in 2008.

The Democrats are being cautious about attacking Senator Biden, but national Republicans have named him “The Pinata of the Month.”

“It’s disappointing that less than two years after the successful formation of a government, Joe Biden would propose short-circuitng the democratic process,” said Tracey Schmitt of the RNC.

Democratic House Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca.), called Mr. Biden “very wise-kinda like Yoda, only taller.” but said his idea “sounds like a challenge that could lead to other challenges.” When asked to explain what that meant in plain English, Ms. Pelosi confessed ignorance.

“We should never have started this country in the first place. If that was a good suggestion, maybe somebody could have made it early on,” she said.

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